Pajamadeen.com

Bicycles for Hillary

pajamadeen — Wed, 14 May 2008 03:12:48 +0000

The lady who’s bad at math continued plodding towards ~~Denver~~ ? tonight, making it clear in her West Virginia Democratic primary victory speech that she’ll remain in the Democratic race for the presidency until ~~the bitter end~~ all of the primaries are over. Or, until the money runs out. The Clinton campaign is reportedly $20 million in debt. She urged her supporters in Charleston, WV tonight to visit her website and keep her campaign afloat. Apparently, there are no depths to which the Clintons won’t sink to keep the campaign funded. Hillary, perhaps intending to inspire the audience, regaled them with the story of how 11-year-old Dalton Hatfield of McAndrews, Kentucky sold his video games and bicycle for Hillary, presenting a check for $440 to Bill Clinton after a campaign stop at the Williamson (WV) fire station last Friday. Collecting money from children?

Dalton’s parents, Vickie and Bruce Hatfield, thought their son was raising money for a vacation. Things turned out well though, for Dalton, who aspires to be President some day. West Virginia State Senate Majority Leader H. Truman Chafin and other Mingo County officials gave Dalton a new bicycle on Sunday, after they learned of Dalton’s campaign contribution. In contrast, Senator Barack Obama won’t accept contributions from political action committees, lobbyists…or children under age 16.

Interestingly, when Hillary Clinton spoke during her victory party at the Charleston Civic Center, only about 300 supporters gathered; rarely did the cameras pan out to give a glimpse of the lack of celebrants. According to The Washington Post, the audience “only cheered when cameramen announced upcoming live shots.” Campaign aides also had to distribute “faux hand-made signs,” because so few people brought them. When Senator Clinton arrived shorly after 9 p.m., the room was only three-quarters full.

RCMP Tasers Elderly Bedridden Hospital Patient

pajamadeen — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:54:42 +0000

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP), who have been embroiled in other sometimes lethal controversies regarding the use of tasers, last weekend subdued an 82-year-old bedridden man, Frank Lasser, by tasering him at the Royal Inland Hospital in Kamloops, BC. Lasser, who’s had heart bypass surgery and must use oxygen at all times, was hospitalized with pneumonia. In a CBC interview, Lasser said that he can become delusional when not breathing properly. Hospital nurses called the RCMP after a delirious Lasser displayed a knife. Lasser doesn’t know why he wouldn’t relinquish his knife, even after the RCMP arrived.

The ex-prison guard believes that the three Mounties in his room could have subdued him without using a stun gun on his torso three times. Lasser commented: “They could have gone in there and taken an old man without any trouble at all.” Recounting the stun gun use, Lasser said: “I was laying on the bed by then and the corporal came in, or the sergeant, I forget which it was, and said to the guys, ‘OK, get him because we got more important work to do on the street tonight.’ And then, bang, bang, bang, three times with the taser and, I tell you, I never want that again.”

On Thursday, after the incident was reported, Kamloops RCMP Cpl. Scott Wilson ~~sent up a trial balloon~~ declared that the Mounties had no choice but to taser the elderly patient. “Whether the person is 80 or 20, we are dealing with a person who had a deadly weapon in their hand,” he said. Scott added that pepper spray couldn’t be used because it would “potentially contaminate the entire hospital.” Excuse me? Mr. Lasser was in _one_ room, which we can only presume had a door which could be closed.

We hereby nominate the RCMP for our difficult-to-obtain Dodo Award. One of a very few previous winners was John Mark Karr’s fiancee, Brooke Simmons of Louisiana, who outdid all previous competition by getting engaged to publicity whore John Mark Karr, 42, whom we all recall as that strange man who claimed to have been with child beauty queen JonBenét Ramsey when she was murdered. But we believe that the Mounties contribution to elder care may have topped Brooke’s herculean efforts.

There was a bumper crop of Dodo Award contenders this week. Others in the running included:

The London, Ontario Tim Horton’s managers who fired single working mother Nicole Lilliman, 27, for handing out a doughnut hole-sized bit of fried dough known as a “Timbit,” which retails for $0.16 CAD, to the crying toddler of a regular customer. After receiving much more than $0.16 worth of negative publicity, the Tim Horton’s fast-food chain relented, rehired Lilliman and plans to rewrite its policies regarding the distribution of free Timbits. This should provide at least a year’s employment for a lackey.

Two San Diego State University students who were among dozens arrested this week in “Operation Sudden Fall,” a drug bust in which two kilograms of cocaine were seized along with ecstasy, hash oil, marijuana, methamphetamine, prescription drugs, psychedelic mushrooms, guns and at least $60,000 in cash. One of the two scholars was to receive a master’s degree in…homeland security, while the other was just about to earn a degree in criminal justice. Ralph Partridge, special agent in charge of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration in San Diego, said that “a sad commentary is that when one of these individuals was arrested, they inquired as [to] whether or not his arrest and incarceration would have an effect on him becoming a federal law enforcement officer.”

Read about lipstick-sized stun guns which come in a variety of delightful colors for the well-dressed woman.

Photo credit: CBC News

You Can Stop Now, Hillary

pajamadeen — Wed, 07 May 2008 08:12:14 +0000

Thank God, Pajamadeen can go to bed. Hillary couldn’t quite bring herself to congratulate her opponent, Barack Obama, for his North Carolina primary win and his hard-fought near-route of her in Indiana, but she did thank her supporters, her family, etc. in her 2:00 a.m. speech after Indiana was ~~barely~~ declared a win for her. ~~The lady who’s bad at math~~ Mrs. Clinton said: “Now it’s on to West, Virginia, Kentucky, Oregon and the other states.” Oh, God. Give it a rest. It’s o-v-e-r.

Amidst reports that the Clintons are lending yet more money to Hillary Rodham Clinton’s campaign, MSNBC’s Tim Russert reported that Mrs. Clinton has cancelled all of her appearances on morning talk shows for today and, in fact, has cancelled all appearances for the day. At 12:30 a.m., Russert said: “We now know who the Democratic nominee is going to be.” Chuck Todd of MSNBC crunched the numbers, calculating that Obama leads Clinton by about 710,000 in the popular vote — and still leads by about 200,000 if the Clintons succeed in their May 31 attempt to get the DNC to count disputed Florida and Michigan primary votes. Obama is also ahead by about 160 Democratic convention delegates.

Political analyst Carl Bernstein, commenting on CNN, said that “…there are superdelegates in the party who, after tonight, are ready to shut her down.” David Gergen echoed the sentiment, saying: “The superdelegates are starting to move, the dam is breaking.”

The Huffington Post bore a banner headline calling Obama “the presumptive nominee.” And, early in the morning, came news from Obama political strategist David Axelrod, who said that Obama plans to spend time in the next few weeks campaigning in states critical to this fall’s general election. “I don’t think we are going to spend our time solely in primary states,” he said. The six remaining locations with Democratic primaries scheduled are Kentucky, Montana, Oregon, Puerto Rico, South Dakota and West Virginia.

In yesterday’s North Carolina primary, Obama won with 56 percent of the vote (890,705) to Clinton’s 42 percent (657,943). In Indiana, Clinton won by a surprisingly narrow margin, with 51 percent of the vote (638,274) to Obama’s 49 percent (615,862).

Read more political news, if you can stand it.

Photo credit: Hillaryis404.org

Patrick Swayze’s Pancreatic Cancer Spreads

pajamadeen — Tue, 06 May 2008 22:56:34 +0000

A gaunt-looking Patrick Swayze, 55, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late January, was spotted on April 25 by paparazzi at a convenience store near his Lake View Terrace, California ranch near Los Angeles. The cancer-stricken actor has been receiving chemotherapy at Stanford University Medical Center in Palo Alto under the care of oncologist Dr. George Fisher. While Swayze initially responded well to chemo, the cancer has metastasized and he’s undergone emergency surgery at Stanford to remove part of his stomach.

According to The Daily Express, the “Dirty Dancing” star has now reportedly made a living will and transferred his property into a trust fund for his wife, Lisa Niemi. The couple has been married for 32 years, having first met in 1970 when 14-year-old Lisa was taking dance lessons from Swayze’s mother, Patsy Yvonne, in Houston, Texas, where Swayze was born and raised. The National Enquirer, which first broke the story, wrote that Swayze “wanted to make sure everything was in place in the event that his health began to fail quickly and he couldn’t take care of things.” As part of his final preparations and as related by a Swayze friend, Swayze told his wife: “I will always love you and can’t imagine how my life would have been without you.”

Swayze’s big break came in the 1987 film “Dirty Dancing;” he was nominated for a Golden Globe award for his role as dance instructor Johnny Castle. When the movie’s co-star, Jennifer Grey, learned of Swayze’s pancreatic cancer, she told People magazine: “I wish him all my love and I have great faith that he is a fighter.” Original plans for the low-budget film were to show it for one weekend in theaters and then send it to video, but the movie was a surprise hit, nationally and internationally. As of 2007, it had earned over $300 million worldwide and was the first movie to sell one million video copies.

“Ghost,” a 1990 movie in which Swayze co-starred with Demi Moore and Whoopi Goldberg, was Swayze’s biggest hit. People chose the actor in 1991 as the “Sexiest Man Alive.”

On March 12, the Enquirer ran photos of Swayze smoking a cigarette as he left the Stanford Cancer Center before boarding his plane at the San Carlos Airport. Swayze has smoked three packs a day for years. Smoking is a major pancreatic cancer risk factor; smokers are twice as likely to develop the disease than are non-smokers. About one-third of pancreatic cancer cases are believed to be smoking-related.

Although Swayze’s spokesperson has insisted that Swayze continues to work on projects, OK! magazine reports that the actor withdrew from “Fired Up,” a romantic comedy, in February. A spokesperson for the movie, which was filming in Los Angeles in March, reported that Swayze has been replaced in the role of a gay cheerleading instructor by actor John Michael Higgins. One source commented: “Everyone is trying to be optimistic and pretending that his life is continuing as normal but unfortunately it’s not.”

OK! also reported that Swayze is taking an experimental drug, vatalanib, specifically because his cancer is advanced and surgical removal of the pancreas is not an option. Swayze’s oncologist, Dr. George Fisher, is conducting a clinical trial involving use of vatalanib in conjunction with Novartis, a pharmaceutical company, which we confirmed at ClinicalTrials.gov. The only patients eligible for the experimental treatment are those with inoperable pancreatic cancer which has metastasized to other organs.

Swayze may have had pancreatic symptoms last year in Chicago, while filming the pilot for “The Beast,” a TV show about an FBI agent which A&E has shown interest in picking up. The actor was taken to a hospital after spitting up blood. Filming wrapped up just before Christmas.

Statistics from the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network indicate that over 37,000 cases of pancreatic cancer are diagnosed each year, with 33,000 deaths annually from the disease. The prognosis is grim: A high mortality rate of almost 90 percent makes pancreatic cancer the deadliest of all cancers. Average life expectancy following a pancreatic cancer diagnosis is only six to nine months. Because of the pancreas’ location in the abdomen, it’s difficult to diagnose early cases of pancreatic cancer; the disease is often not diagnosed until it’s spread to other parts of the body. Less than five percent of pancreatic cancer patients survive more than five years after initial diagnosis.

Wal-Mart Deepens Discounts on Prescription Drugs

pajamadeen — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:50:46 +0000

Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, today expanded its discount prescription drug program for consumers, by further slashing prices and adding new medications, including tamoxifen — used to treat breast cancer — to its discount drug offerings. A three-month supply of prescription drugs formerly available for $4.00 a month can now be purchased for $10.00. The price reduction affects about 350 generic medicines available at Neighborhood Market, Sam’s Club and Wal-Mart stores. Additionally, several women’s medications were discounted, and the price of more than 1,000 over-the-counter (OTC) drugs — about one-third of Wal-Mart’s over-the-counter medications — was slashed to $4.00 or less, which is (temporarily) about 50 percent lower than the cost at other national drugstore and supermarket chains.

Notably, drugs used to treat breast cancer, hormone deficiencies and osteoporosis will be available for $9.00. Alendronate, the generic version of osteoporosis drug Fosamax, will be $9.00 for a month’s supply and $24.00 for a three-month supply. Previously, alendronate cost $54.00 for a 30-day supply and $102.00 for a three-month supply. Both tamoxifen, a drug used to treat breast cancer, and estrogen/methyltestosterone, used to treat menopausal symptoms and hormone deficiencies, will cost $9.00 a month. Included in the OTC price rollbacks are Wal-Mart’s “Equate” house brands of medications such as Claritin, Pepcid and Zantac. Their Spring Valley prenatal vitamins will also be priced at $4.00 or less, for a savings of up to $7.00.

Wal-Mart’s $4.00 generic drug program began in September 2006; the company says that consumers have saved over $1.2 billion in drug costs as a result. Many competitors have lowered their generic drug prices to remain competitive with Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart plans to launch a comprehensive marketing campaign for the new drug plan. In addition to print and TV ads, the company’s 300 district managers and 15,000 pharmacists will reach out to physicians.

Wal-Mart’s health and wellness business sales increased from 8 percent to 9 percent of total sales in the last fiscal year, due in part to the 2006 launch of the $4.00 generic prescription drug program. The company says it sees increased profitability with increased sales volumes. In a conference call, executive vice president and COO Bill Simon said: “It’s accretive and continues to be very positive for us. Total overall growth has been very strong. As our prescription volume goes up, we are able to buy better. The business results have exceeded our expectations. We expect that to be the case as well with the new introductions.” By 2010, the company plans to open about 400 in-store clinics as part of its continued initiatives to increase pharmacy sales. Currently, there are 70 in-store clinics in 12 states.

Read our thrifty tips about how to save even more money on prescription drugs.

Photo credit: New York Times

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

pajamadeen — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:25:19 +0000

Pajamadeen’s been going through a few changes lately. The blog is being upgraded behind the scenes, and Pajamadeen’s apparently been upgraded in the eyes of her parental unit, known to most people as a mother. The parental unit, or p.u. (sorry, we couldn’t resist!) has always been dissatisfied with her daughter’s decision to write. But it’s not really a decision that could be avoided — PJ’s always written, whether online or offline. It’s her raison d’être, as it were. Her p.u. prized her attorney daughter. She tolerated a schoolteacher daughter. But now it appears that Pajamadeen may be the only sibling willing to rearrange her life and care for an aging, increasingly frail, and hostile mother who, accustomed to being in control, is frightened by how her health is spinning out of control. This has required some mental readjustment on the p.u.’s part. And could it be that this daughter with the big heart has a value far beyond the trappings of material success?

Pajamadeen needed to talk about this potential fork in the road less travelled. Surprisingly, she found that friendships which had lasted as long as 34 years failed at this juncture. It seems no one on the planet wants to talk about caring for elderly parents. Only two people listened, and offered suggestions as to how to best deal with the awkward, and sad, situation. It caused PJ to reevaluate her friendships.

There’s one person in particular who didn’t fail Pajamadeen. She should have known that it would be a firefighter. So, here is a little heartfelt lagniappe for Tony. Pajamadeen sometimes likes to pretend that she doesn’t need anyone. It protects one’s heart. But this man is that rara avis, a true friend, and not a lightweight good-time Charlie.

So, just for you, Tony, PJ’s hijacked this blog post. Here’s a classic for you from the Queen’s Jubilee in 2002. Phil Collins is on the drums, and Brian May, lead guitarist in the rock band Queen, who’s ranked as the 39th greatest guitarist of all time by Rolling Stone magazine, is the guitarist backing up Joe Cocker. Enjoy…And thank you.

Reverend Wright Offers No Apologies at Detroit NAACP Dinner

pajamadeen — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 04:39:03 +0000

Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s controversial former pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who spoke tonight to 12,000 people at the NAACP’s 53rd annual “Fight for Freedom Fund” dinner held at Cobo Hall in Detroit Michigan, said he is “descriptive,” and not divisive in describing American social ills. In part, he spoke in response to many recent criticisms and the firestorm of protest which erupted after a snippet of his ““God damn America” speech appeared on YouTube. Wright said that social and political change will come to America only when Americans see each other as Americans, as essentially the same, rather than focusing on differences. “Different does not mean deficient,” he said. “It simply means different.”

Wright, 66, who recently retired from pastoring Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, said during an interview which aired Friday on PBS that he’d received death threats and had endured “vitriolic hatred” recently because Americans “would rather cling to what they are taught” than re-examine the government’s oppression of minorities such as African-Americans, Native Americans and civilians swept up in wars overseas. Wright didn’t recant any of his controversial sermons, either in the PBS interview or in the NAACP speech tonight.

Rather, he said: “We are committed to changing the way we treat each other. Everybody in here who’s not an Indian do be an immigrant. Some of ya’ll came over on the decks of the ship and some of ya’ll came in the bowels and holds of the ship, but we’re all immigrants.” Referring to Barack Obama, the preacher said: “Please tell my stuck-on-stupid friends that Arabic is a language, it’s not a religion. Barack Hussein Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. There are Arabic-speaking Christians, Arabic-speaking Jews, Arabic-speaking Muslims and Arabic-speaking atheists. Stop trying to scare folks by giving them an Arabic name as if it’s some sort of disease…Did you hear me, O’Reilly?”

Wright, never one to mince words, delivered a sermon on September 16, 2001, five days after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, which seems eerily prescient in hindsight. Here’s an excerpt from it:

“I heard Ambassador [Edward] Peck on an interview yesterday. Did anybody else see or hear him? He was on FOX News, this is a white man, and he was upsetting the FOX News commentators to no end. He pointed out — a white man, an ambassador — he pointed out that what Malcolm X said when he was silenced by Elijah Mohammad was in fact true: He said America’s chickens are coming home to roost.” (Peck, a career diplomat, also argued against the March 2003 Iraq invasion, commenting at the time: “When you take out Saddam Hussein, the key question you have to ask then is, what happens after that? And we don’t have a clue. Nobody knows, but it’s probably going to be bad. And a lot of people are going to be very upset about that, because that really is not written into our role in this world, to decide who rules Iraq.”)

Wright continued in his sermon by saying: “We took this country by terror away from the Sioux, the Apache, Arikara, the Comanche, the Arapaho, the Navajo. Terrorism.

“We took Africans away from their country to build our way of ease and kept them enslaved and living in fear. Terrorism.

“We bombed Grenada and killed innocent civilians, babies, non-military personnel.”

“We bombed the black civilian community of Panama with stealth bombers and killed unarmed teenage and toddlers, pregnant mothers and hard-working fathers.

“We bombed Qaddafi’s home, and killed his child. Blessed are they who bash your children’s head against the rock.

“We bombed Iraq. We killed unarmed civilians trying to make a living. We bombed a plant in Sudan to pay back for the attack on our embassy, killed hundreds of hard-working people, mothers and fathers who left home to go that day not knowing that they’d never get back home.”

“We bombed Hiroshima. We bombed Nagasaki, and we nuked far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon and we never batted an eye.

“Kids playing in the playground. Mothers picking up children after school. Civilians, not soldiers, people just trying to make it day by day.

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff that we have done overseas is now brought right back into our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.”

“Violence begets violence. Hatred begets hatred. And terrorism begets terrorism. A white ambassador said that y’all, not a black militant. Not a reverend who preaches about racism. An ambassador whose eyes are wide open and who is trying to get us to wake up and move away from this dangerous precipice upon which we are now poised. The ambassador said the people we have wounded don’t have the military capability we have. But they do have individuals who are willing to die and take thousands with them. And we need to come to grips with that.”

Learn more about how Americans are perceived in Iraq.

Photo credit: Kathleen Galligan/Detroit Free Press

Cops with Machine Guns Patrol New York Subways

pajamadeen — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:29:31 +0000

Fortified with MP5 machine guns (and $30 million from the Department of Homeland Security), New York City’s finest are now patrolling the Big Apple’s subways in a counterterrorism initiative dubbed “Operation Torch.” The police are also armed with M4 carbine rifles and body armor and are accompanied by bomb-sniffing dogs. With five million riders a day, the city’s subway system has been considered a primo terror target since 9/11.

Five or six teams per day will patrol major transit hubs such as Columbus Circle, Grand Central Station, Herald Square, Penn Station, the Rockefeller Center and Times Square in Manhattan, as well as Brooklyn’s Atlantic Avenue. New York Police Department (NYPD) Commissioner Ray Kelly said other locations will also be guarded. “The assignments will vary and will be following no discernible pattern,” he said. Similar NYPD “Hercules” police officers have patrolled the Empire State Building, Wall St. and other city landmarks since September 11, 2001. During previous periods of heightened security, Hercules officers have patrolled the subways. The NYPD’s transit division has conducted 48,000 random baggage checks since 2005 and inspects tunnels and ventilation systems for explosives. Surveillance cameras are also in place.

Police Commissioner Kelly, noting an attempted August 2004 bomb plot at Herald Square, commented: “Our transit system has been targeted unsuccessfully…And, of course, we know of successful attacks throughout the world in subways. We’ve done more than any other transit system in the world, by far, to prevent another attack…Our transit system is as safe as it’s ever been and I can assure you that it’s our intention to keep it that way.”

The NYPD received the $30 million Transit Operational Response With Canine and Heavy Weapons (TORCH) funds as part of a $151 million grant made by the Department of Homeland Security to Connecticut, New Jersey and New York; the funds are projected to last for two years and will beef up operations of the approximately 2,600 police officers who work the NYPD’s transit bureau. Kelly said: “We think this is a reasonable expenditure of funds. We’re doing everything that we think is appropriate to prevent another attack.” Kelly indicated that if the program is successful, New York City will seek additional funding to continue it. But how does one tell if such a program is successful? This is the first time in U.S. history that counterterrorism units have been assigned to a mass transit system.

Each six-member Torch unit, working 12-hours shifts, will have four officers from the police department’s emergency service unit, a sergeant, a dog handler and a bomb-sniffing dog. While some passengers welcomed the increased police presence, others complained that the Torch units were too “in your face.” Subway passenger Carol Ann Daniel of Brooklyn told a New York radio station: “I find it kind of scary…The idea of people with guns all around doesn’t actually make me feel safer for some reason…It kind of feels like you’re in a war zone.”

Master Heart Cells Created for Heart Disease Treatment

pajamadeen — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:25:06 +0000

Canadian scientists at Toronto’s McEwan Centre for Regenerative Medicine have successfully turned embryonic stem cells into “master” heart cells which could ultimately create healthy heart tissue for patients with heart disease, including heart attack victims. Three types of cells are found in a human heart: blood-pumping muscle cells and cells that create blood vessels and blood vessel linings. The master heart cell can create an infinite supply of all three types, according to Dr. Gordon Keller of the McEwan Centre. The Centre’s findings were published yesterday in the Nature journal.

Because the process of converting stem cells to heart cells is rapid — about two weeks — the new findings could dramatically speed up cardiac research. Keller noted that potential applications include studying the effectiveness of new drugs, and determining if sheets of master heart cells could repair large areas of damaged heart tissue.

Dr. Michael Rudnicki, of the Stem Cell Network of Canada, told CTV: “Without question, this advance in knowledge will open new doors so that stem cells can be used in clinics and used potentially to treat people with heart disease…This means that those cells can be eventually exploited for human therapy.” Because of some ethical controversies about the use of embryonic stem cells, Dr. Keller said that the next step is to replicate the process with skin cells rather than embryonic stem cells. The use of skin cells would also eliminate the problem of tissue rejection, if master heart cells were created using an individual’s own skin cells.

Ladies, Zap Troublesome Men with Lipstick Taser

pajamadeen — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:58:09 +0000

Mary Martin wouldn’t have had to sing “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair” in South Pacific if she’d had one of the latest gadgets: a powerful taser disguised as a lipstick. Have an annoying man who doesn’t get the message? On a power trip? For only $49.95, you can give your man the thrill of his life with one of these brightly colored stun guns, which will give him a 350,000 volt and stop him in his tracks.

While just 3 and 5/8 inches long and 7/8 inches in diameter, this rechargeable self-defense weapon packs a punch. It also has a flashlight on the bottom. (To inspect your workmanship?) If you’re into color coordination, you have a choice of black, pink or yellow for your taser. (Black and pink are sold out until at least May.) DefenseDevices of Jackson, Tennessee is the purveyor of this sadistic little device, which retails for $49.95. However, you’re out of luck if you live in Canada or Great Britain; this little goodie is illegal in those countries.

Don’t like those colors? Not a problem. The Wenzhou AC Industry Manufacturer Co. of Wenzhou/Zhejiang, China has similar tasers available in gold, white, green and blue. Decisions, decisions. What’s a girl to do? Learn more about tasers, and why they’re not such a great idea.

Photo credits: DefenseDevices.com and Wenzhou AC Industry Manufacturer Co.